The Beat Within


The following is poetry by D Boii, a young inmate in San Francisco who writes about his anger toward his mother, a drug user, and his struggle to rise above the hardships of his childhood. The poems were originally published by The Beat Within, a juvenile justice system writing workshop, which has generously allowed The Crime Report to share.

Something More Than Hate

I can't begin to describe the feelings that I have for you!

To say I hate you would be an understatement!

And as the words “I love you” leave your lips,

I feel that pessimistic feeling grow deeper and deeper!

I hate how weak you are!

I hate how dry your lips are, from the drugs you consume!

I hate your excuses!

That you use to try to justify your failure as a mother!

I hate the way you look at me!

It's as if I can see the devil laughing at me from the depths of your soul!

I not only hear you,

But I can feel the manipulation and plotting that goes on in your subconscious!

The way you badger me about getting me on SSI!

The way you look! As if possessed and zombi-ized!

I hate you for bringing me into a world of sin, hate, depression, poverty!

A world where money means more than my life!

I hate you for choosing your boyfriends over me!

Yes, I despise you in every way!

You are equivalent to torture

And you have tortured me all my 17 years!

All I ask is for an answer that I know you are too selfish to give.

All I ask is for you to stop being weak and start fighting for more than less!

All I ask is for you to do it for my little bra and sis.

Give them the life which you deprived me of!

Give them a strong person to want to become!

Please do it for the sake of humanity!

I hate you!

Please do not say you love me!

-DBoii, San Francisco


Is it a sin to hate the person that causes you the most hardship?

Is it a sin to hate the person that brought you into this world?

The Bible says to honor thy mother.

People say cherish your mother, because she brought you into this world.

But I didn't ask to be brought into this world,

From how the child who brought me into this world says,

In so many words,

I was a mistake, a one-night stand.

So now I ask, is it sin to hate her,

After she let me down before birth, during childhood and now as a young man?

Am I wrong to hate?

Not saying I feel bad for myself, or look at myself as a victim,

But the truth is, am I a victim!

Does that play into my past lifestyle?

Is that an excuse for the pain that I inflicted on others b

Because of my desire at attempting to alleviate some pain

And seek friendship everywhere?

Do I have the right, to use this as an excuse?

All I can think is hell no, I am a man, I am a gentleman, and a scholar,

So I refuse to fall into the trap that the universe has laid out.

I refuse to fall into recidivism.

I not only pledge to stay away from my past life,

But I pledge to become someone of importance, someone of change, a

An inspirational person that can and will take action against those who mean us harm.

I pledge to be a lawyer, and become a fellow politician that will promote change in all levels.

-DBoii, San Francisco

Photo by Jack Keene via Flickr.

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